I don't know what love always feels like. I knew I hadn't experienced all of love that there was to experience. And I still haven't but I have recently expanded my knowledge of it. 

It kind of gets me worried. To be this high. Am I looking forward to a deep valley? Is it the bounce back from deep lows? Who knows, I guess we can only know at the end.

On the 5th of August, 22 days ago, for the first time in maybe ever I was happy with my life. My relationship status of single. The standards and morals I hold. Where I feel I'm going and growing in life.

13 days ago I thought I liked someone. 

12 days ago I knew I liked her and could only hope she might even consider being interested in me back. Great, there goes my perfect zen life, shattered.

The point in your life where you just had a breakup and you are trying to figure out how to live life without this other person in so many aspects of it is a quantum degree away from the anticipation and anxiety of imagining someone new into your life and everywhere they would fit in and how. 

8 days ago I knew I had to do something. She was not like anyone else I've ever met or talked to, even after one conversation. I was worried I would mess this up and I would never find anyone else like her. If you're reading this then I'm so happy it worked out. But I don't think I can think any other way than that it has to turn out!

7 days ago I asked her to lunch where we talked easily.

6 days ago we went out with coworkers and it was an experience I wouldn't have had if you were not there. After that night I had more anxiety drift away.

After many conversations of excitement I internalized reality and knew I did not need to move too fast. 

Today on August 27th is the first time I've had the genuine thought that I am in love with my life. I have cathartic exposure at my whim. I'm more confident than I've ever been. I hope everyone gets to experience this.

Hopefully this does work out great but if not that can't discount the feelings I'm having of joy and happiness and anticipation of the rest of my life with K. It's great to know theres another level above what I always thought was to be one of the highest floors. The without a doubt dopamine-filled motivation I am getting to do things I've wanted to do long before I met you feels great. I just feel like I need to be a better person for everyone I interact with!

I think I have fallen in love hard, maybe too hard? How do I answer that? Can there be a too hard? If so, I'm going for maximum impact.

I love you


One Emotion Torn in Two Directions.

I love you.
I know you love me.
We want to save each other. We each see the same problem. I want to live my life the best I can based on the beliefs I have. You do too. 

Our solutions tear us apart.
For now...